“You have to give thanks for everything because we’re too dumb to tell the blessings from the curses” anonymous Rabbi
I recently heard this quote while listening to a podcast and I could not help but smirk as I reflected on the times in my life when tragedy ended up being a blessing. I have had enough trauma in my life to where when adversity or hardship strike, I am beginning to look for the life lessons earlier and earlier. When so called "curses" hit close to home, it is easy for us to get rattled. As the anxiety and depression begin to creep in, we start looking for ways to get away from the feelings. The intense feelings can also be exacerbated when we don't have a network of close relationships to offer us the support we need. We may receive support in the form of advice or minimization, but this kind of support can make the issues seem worse.
The majority of work I do with clients is helping making meaning out of our trials and suffering. While deriving purpose and understanding is essential, it is not immediately understandable. In fact, the perceptions of reality we carry through life often turn out to be the almost the exact opposite of our expectation. While following our emotions to see where they lead us can seem counterintuitive, getting through the maze to the meaning is the process of therapy that starts with our feelings.
How can I possibly figure something out when I'm feeling rather than thinking? Firstly, feeling does not mean that we abandon our thinking, it simply means that we stop minimizing or suppressing and choose to explore our feelings in a place of safety. The wounded parts of us that show up in grief, fear, shame, and anxiety find new ways to create pain until we recognize them and acknowledge their needs. The self develops a system to manage the pain, and when our system begins to give way, we are forced to turn things like sex, drugs, alcohol, money, or food to deal with the pain. The system we developed has managed to force the vulnerable parts of us into a closet in order not to feel those feelings of pain that were so burdensome.
When anxiety, depression, panic and grief pop up, our life is telling us that we have some unfinished business to take care of. All of the parts and systems working within us have good intentions and it is only when we get the parts of us communicating and connecting that we are able to begin to heal.
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